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Contemplation

I asked Mel for a letter of reference today. My reply was a no, why do you want to leave and where are you going. It is not that I don't like were I am at. I love the people, all of them. They are all wonderful in their own way. I don't agree with the politics though.

I just find myself asking, "Is this it?" 

"Is this where I am supposed to be for the rest of my life?"

I know it shouldn't be..... but one of my biggest fears is ending up alone. I don't want to grow old by myself. I want kids, I want a legacy. (reminds me of grandma:)

I know that I shouldn't need this to feel complete, and I don't. I don't want someone that completes me. I am complete. I want someone that compliments me. 

I am a strong and vivacious woman and I am not asking for that part of me to be taken away. I just want someone to talk about my day with when it is over. Someone to give me the himelik if I choke. Is that too much to ask?

I am not asking for sympathy. You could tell me, "Oh honey give it time, you will find someone." You don't know that. Maybe I will maybe I won't. I will continue to be me either way.

Comments

  1. LizMarch 7, 2009 at 12:29 AM

    I'm only laughing right now because I had the same thought about the heimlich....

    But your thoughts and concerns are very real and you need to do what you want to to be happy. I believe that God has planned out just what is going to be perfect for you and if you are open to finding that perfection, it is yours. Enjoy the journey!

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